The Honeymoon's Over

September 28, 2010

It's official: My honeymoon's over. Maybe that's old news now. I think you could tell that the honeymoon was over by my previous posting where I described how overwhelmed I was feeling -- between lecturing a 150-student class for the first time, meeting so many new people for my research and social life, the travel, getting up at 5am daily to get the kids to the bus, and just plain life here. I had trouble sleeping.

My anthropologist friend diagnosed me with "Delayed Culture Shock." I thought I was just plain anxious and overwhelmed with it all. She described it as being overstimulated by doing, seeing, smelling, tasting so much newness. And, her treatment suggestion -- Be boring. Do only boring things on the weekends. Stop packing so much into my life. Go into work late, not early. Work more from home, in general. My friends, like Tamara and Courtney, said just do nothing sometimes. Patrick and Tina said just being in Kuala Lumpur is exotic enough for now, we'll have time to travel later. Mom tried to problem-solve ways for me to cut back on my responsibilities and activities. Yosef, Liz, one of my Fulbright friends, and Dad gave large class teaching suggestions. And, Dad pointed out that just living in a foreign place, like when he lived in Paris for a year, has an ambient stress -- a constant, silent, invisible stress in the background, which was a helpful insight. And, Ken took on more of my "Mom" responsibilities which are both hard for me to give up and hard for him to take, like planning and packing for future trips.

It's actually all working pretty well. I'm still stressed, at times, but more in a normal, functioning kind of way. My sleep is not perfect but now the sleep problems are limited to the night before my class. We've been just lazing by the pool and doing playdates for the kids on the weekends. I don't eagerly say yes to every social event. As you might guess, the kids have been equally ready for what we now call "relaxation days," so happy and proud of having playdates and new friendships with our neighbors.

And, I've been training for a half-marathon. I know, I know, I'm probably being too ambitious doing that too, typical me, but it's actually been a joy and stress release. Such necessary time for myself with only a meditative run to focus on, and a sore but relaxed body afterwards. And, I really like the people in the running group. One's from Texas and it's like jogging with Molly Ivans, the hilarious political columnist from Texas. They are seasoned travelers and expats from all over. I take mental notes on where to travel next while they tell me of their favorite Southeast Asian get-aways. We're all flying to Cambodia, Siam Riep, to run a half-marathon around the ancient temples on Dec. 7.

But, now that the honeymoon and the worst of my delayed culture shock are over, there are still lingering aftershocks. Like, just getting around this chaotic, sprawling, unplanned, loud, traffic-choked city. I take the subway and a taxi or bus to and from work a few days per week. There are about 4, very limited, different subway lines and none of them are connected -- You actually have to leave the first subway system, get out and walk and reenter another completely different subway line with a different ticketing system. But, the subways are very advanced, fast, and have cellphone service. Everyone is gentle and quiet in the subway. No completely insane behavior, as in NYC subways.

What aggression they sublimate in the subways, they express on the roads. They do not like pedestrians here. We slow the cars down, barely. I can't tell you how many nasty accidents happen here where a car or bus hits a pedestrian -- our elderly, beloved school librarian was medi-vac'ed back to the US with brain damage after a bus hit her. There are few or no decent sidewalks in some areas. And few pedestrian cross-walks -- the red lights often don't stop cars, but especially motorbikes, from flying through the cross-walk. I found myself cursing out two muslim, scarved girls giggling as they sped their motorbike right in front of me and Boom Boom, buzzing us as we crossed. In fact, there's been a streak of motorbike purse and jewelery-snatching. Right in front of our building, someone got his cellphone ripped out of his hands by a motorbiker. Worse, there've been serious injuries when they yanked necklaces and purses, dragging people -- I've been told of two serious head injuries and a death as a result. I've become a neurotic, hypervigilant pedestrian.

Most people drive. In fact, people are shocked we didn't buy a car just for the year. Cars are taxed 50%, there's insurance, lots of car accidents, and you get taken to jail, often overnight, if you're at fault, I heard. Needless to say, I'm completely intimidated by the thought of driving here. We chose to live downtown to avoid driving but it's still inconvenient often without a car. But, cabs are dirt cheap here. Often, cheaper than public transport for a family of 5. Just like it's cheaper for us to eat dinner here at a restaurant than to buy groceries and make it ourselves. But, the cabbies often don't know how to get to your destination, often not telling you they don't know. Or, they refuse to use the meter and try to charge you 3 times the meter price. We've now got a few cabbies we'll call to pick us up if we're going to a destination we know most cabbies refuse.

Where do we walk to, you might ask? Well, we walk to our local mall. Or, we take a cab to malls further away. Yes, we've surrendered to mall culture, after a long fight, with lots of sneering and contempt. Now, we often spend each weekend day in a mall. Yes, we swim, read, play games, socialize with new friends, but we also do the mall. This past weekend, we spent two days in malls and a night at IKEA. Everything happens at the malls -- birthday parties, soccer games (YES! soccer fields are on top of a mall), craft centers, cafes, movie theaters, science museum, galleries, etc. There's been such a huge BOOM in capitalism here, like in most of Asia, that there is no recession here, it seems. No empty storefronts. Just packed malls. And, it's a respite from the heat. You can only do a half hour or so at the playground before you run screaming for the mall air-conditioning.

Our apartment is posh, at first glance. A city view. Glass, steel, and marble everywhere. Balcony. Resort-like pool. Kids at the pool sometimes to play with. But, the reality is these high rises were built in a mad, capitalist-drunk rush, with bribes paid to city inspectors to look the other way. Sewage started backing up in our bathroom pipes stinking to high heaven. They fixed it but 2 bathrooms are unusable and stinky still. Other apartments have walls crumble due to constant water leakage. A friend's apartment electrical wiring blew out, ruining all her appliances, computers, and more. The developer had paid off the electrical inspector. Another 40 story high rise was quickly built with no stairs, that means only an elevator, no fire escape...let me say it again, no stairs at all. We're probably lucky with our apartment since it's so new that no serious problems have come up yet. As exciting it is to live in the heart of the city, the bright lights, loud cars, and other sounds make for a jangled, discombobulating night rest for me, at times.

I sense a theme here -- the government here lets the wild wild west reign, when it comes to development, urban planning, deforestation, and more. It is not a controlling state, to say the least. It's no Singapore. The Malaysian government is letting capitalism grow unheeded here, often burning through Malaysia like a wildfire. But, the government sure likes propoganda, anti-Israel rallies, and fomenting racial division at the same time that it calls for "1 Malaysia," encouraging all 3 of the ethnic groups here uniting as one. Truth, is, it feels like a very racially and religiously tolerant country, when you actually live here day-to-day, despite the underlying rumbing politics.

Alright, my complaint session is over. Just for now. You know there are 200 other wonderful things about life here I didn't mention. You may want to skip this blog for the next couple months until I'm done with my post-honeymoon hangover. Then, I'll get to the 200 wonders of Kuala Lumpur.