Bali: Cremation

On our first day in Bali, we were leery about attending a Hindu cremation. It wasn't just the morbid reality, but it was this sense of our crashing someone's intimate family funeral. A time for personal grieving.

Intimate it was not. And no one cried. It was so un-intimate that the moment we stepped out of the car, women swarmed around us, aggressively wrapping sarongs around us, insisting that they were necessary to attend a cremation. It would be sacrilegious without them, they argued, trying to make us buy $3 sarongs for $20 each. We righteously refused being taken advantage of, then had second thoughts as the throngs heading towards the ceremony were covered in sarongs, even foreigners like us wearing freshly-bought $20 sarongs.

We were soon lost in the crowd, invisible foreigners, lining the crowded ceremonial procession route. No one was thinking of sarongs, we soon realized, they were just focused on standing in the shade and surviving the blistering heat. And, standing, and standing, for what felt like hours. At one point, I felt dizzy and just sat on the ground. We didn't have any food other than nuts, which we devoured having had no lunch, as we watched woman after woman carrying delicious food covered in flowers. We then ran out of water.

All the while, we watched as they scrambled to coordinate hundreds of people to make the cremation procession happen. Why was the cremation so huge? It was for the "queen," we were told by all the locals. The queen was a ceremonial leader of the local region, having been a real ruler before Indonesia nationalized all its 17,000 islands, combining them into one territory. She was Brahmin so everything was in white. Lower caste cremations are in red or black.

After the long wait, the gamelan players got in place and started playing. It was transporting, focusing music. Everyone seemed to know the tune. Then the procession finally started moving. Everything was carried by hundreds of men using strong bamboo poles to carry everything -- gamelan instruments, drums, beautiful young ladies holding up flowers and food, Hindu god statues to ward off evil spirits, and, at last, the coffin, walked up many white steps to the top of a decorated tower with a priest and coffin pallbearers, at least of them carrying a complicated set of bamboo poles to somehow, impossibly move the huge tower and coffin along the long procession.

We were enthralled. And thirsty. And hungry. Once the procession passed, continuing onto the cemetary for the burning of the tower and coffin, they planned to set the burning coffin on a float and push it out to sea. All a lyrical, spiritual burning to watch, filled with meaning.

But, we passed on it. Moving on to fill our bellies. Back to town for freshly squeezed juices. Feeling very much alive.

Amazing Bali!! Bali market in Ubud

We're in Bali!

Batu Caves Hindu Temple in Kuala Lumpur

Before going to the Batu Caves, just north of Kuala Lumpur, we heard a lot about the 272 steps and not to touch the monkeys. The caves are a sacred place for Hindus, and Hindus see monkeys as sacred so let them run wild and free on the steps up. What we didn't hear about was how there are temples for Hindus at the bottom and in numerous spots in the top. In these temples, the Hindu priests were topless, with white paint on, performing rituals with much incense, singing, and playing instruments.

The monkeys were bored by us on the way up. The kids made it up the steep steps to the top where they were rewarded by beautiful, wet, dripping caves filled with incense, natural skylights, and the main temple.

On the way down, Ken asked me to help one of our kids down the steep steps. My kids ended up helping me down, since I was barely keeping a panic attack at bay over how steep and long the drop down seemed to me.

Elephant Sanctuary

At first, Boom was completely scared of the incredibly tame orphaned elephants at this Conservation Center outside of Kuala Lumpur. Even before we left the hotel, he dropped to the floor and threw a tantrum, "I don't like Elephants!" You can see his pulling away from the elephants above. But, after numerous attempts by me to get him accustomed to my feeding the elephants, with no success, Ken did his magic and somehow coaxed Boom to ride an elephant with him.

The Center is funded by money from visitors and private donations; elephants are driven out of their Malaysian jungles by overdevelopment, especially of palm and rubber plantations. After the farmers or poachers attack the Elephant families, they are often brought here. One elephant's foot was amputated by a poacher trap and he limped around until a donor got him a proscetic limb, which was so touching.

A handful of the elephants have to pay the price of our riding and bathing them daily. And, feeding them cucumbers, watermelon, grass, and peanuts, as you can see from the video of Griffin feeding them. I put the cucumbers directly onto their tongues and, let me tell you, their tongues feel as soft as wet silk.

While us Americans, Australians, and Middle Easterns watch the elephants, the local kids living in the jungle, above, watch us.

Expat School Interview

We visited a possible school for the kids -- The International School of Kuala Lumpur (ISKL). Boom went for his "interview" consisting of them asking his colors, etc. It's a real bus ride for the kids -- probably 45 minutes each way. It's hard for us to consider such a long bus ride, especially at Boom's age, but there's a reason why it's such a long shlep outside the city center. It's nestled at the base of jungle-filled hills with a huge soccer field, racing pool, and a smaller soccer field and great playground for Boom's age group.

The kids hit the soccer field as if they'd been chained up for weeks. They begged me to play a game with them. It made us realize how much they'll need an active outlet with friends, at a school like this, when they'll be living in a glass and marble high rise in the city center with no soccer fields nearby.

As far as we could tell, the curriculum seemed solid. What diversity, though! Kids from all over the world. More competitive than the kids' old school -- They have swimming and track races for kids from 2nd grade and up, with photos and winning racing times posted. A Hungarian 3rd grader dominated each swim stroke back in the late 90's. And, an African ringer in 2nd grade ruled the 100m dash among other track races, looking suspiciously like she'd been held back a year or two, in order to set some records.

The kids' reaction -- Griffin was nervous saying "There's so much more pressure in 3rd grade. I'm not going to try to beat the school record in swimming." Alice said, "I love it."

We should hear whether or not they all get accepted in a week or so. They take their time here. Cross your fingers for us!

KL Police and Ken

Ken here. Just a quick note: today, in an empty playground at 8 am (ack, the heat, the time change), as I was playing with my kids as usual (read: laying down on my back, wishing I had a NYT), a female muslim police officer approached and made me sit up. That same officer then made Colleen get off the see-saw with Boom. Shades of Singapore. -ksf.

Incredible Little India

Ken --

Our lunch in little India was a real highlight - dragging 3 exhausted kids around until we ran into a happening little hole in the wall. We couldn't even order from the buffet without the head waiter coming over and taking Colleen under his arm. Even with his help we couldn't find food un-spicy enough for the kids - but we loved it!

At the end, he handed us the tab, saying "Special price for you."

The People

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After Griffin ran out of the mini-city jungle, nearly screaming to escape the mosquitos, I found a Muslim mother tending to his mosquito bites. You can see in the picture above that she was applying mosquito bite salve to his bites. She then offered to give me the salve, after giving me some mosquito management tips. I was so touched to find him tended to with such care, by a stranger.

From the moment we arrived in Asia, even in the Delhi Airport, all the adults seem to believe it takes a village to raise a child. A Delhi Airport security guard held Boom Boom on his lap and proceeded to stamp his hands with customs stamps while I went through a body check, separated from Boom. They feel very comfortable hugging, touching, comforting, and physically playing with our kids. It was striking from the start and made me realize what boundaries we've set up between ourselves and others' kids in America.

All of the adults here are crazy about Boom Boom. They adore young kids. People have talked to us in Malay, Chinese, and probably more, all while reaching out to touch Boom. Or, just looking at him, giggling and smiling. When Boom walks into our hotel breakfast room, all the workers yell "Boom Boom!"

The pictures above show the Malay Muslim teacher at the science museum interacting with Muslim students. Being a Muslim woman here is different from our stereotype of the burka-ed Middle Eastern Muslim woman. While those burka-ed Middle Eastern Muslim women are touristing here, usually trailing behind their husbands, the Muslim women here just wear a scarf over their heads, with their arms and legs covered, often in casual pants or jeans. As far as I can tell, the women seem to hold the same positions as men, like geologists for the big oil company, Petronas.

To the Jungle!

Before our trip, Griffin was my only child who was excited to go to Malaysia. the rest were either scared or had trouble imagining life in Malaysia. Griffin had no trouble imagining Malaysia. He was convinced we were moving to the jungle. And, I didn't have the heart to burst his Jungle bubble.

Once we arrived here, Griffin said, "Where's the jungle? This looks just like Manhattan!" Even advertised on a new development is a sign saying, "Posh apartments, Manhattan-style. World-class living."

So, I took him to a jungle. Advertised as one of the oldest jungles in the world, right in the middle of Kuala Lumpur, in walking distance of our apartment. A jungle the size of 10 Manhattan blocks. The moment he set foot in the jungle, he started complaining about getting bitten by mosquitos, to the point that he started running through the trail, trying to keep the mosquitos from biting him. As we hiked (ran) through the jungle, school children would calmly hike past us with long pants on and no mosquitos buzzing around their legs.

Griffin ran all the way to the end, relieved to be out of the jungle.

Buddhism, next to Mosques, Hindus, and Skyscrapers

We found a Buddhist temple tucked among the skyscrapers, mosques, and hindu shrines here, right about the corner from our future apartment. Little known to tourists here is that you can get monk-grown and cooked lunch here for pennies. Alice tried noodles, bok choy, and sauteed pork, all too spicy for her, before she found bland rice and sticky buns, more to her liking.

I felt like I'd found a moment of peace in an overdeveloped and overtouristed city center.

Hotel with a view, with a construction soundtrack

Kuala Lumpur city center is constantly building new skyscrapers, in tiny little plots of land, even though there's only 60% occupancy. Developers are banking on KL becoming a big economic success, probably with reason given all the international corporations here.

So, the Ascott Hotel we're staying in is right next to two big construction sites next to the Petronas towers. Well-located, with a great view of the city center park, but loud with construction til 10 at nite. Not that we'd notice, since we are usually passed out by 5pm, dead to the world.

The kids wake up so early (midnight) that they watch 2 movies, hear the local mosque call to prayer at 5:45, go to the 6:30am breakfast, swim, hit the nearby playground, all before 8:30am. They we try to squeeze in one city activity before they hit their wall at noon and pass out by 3pm. Last night was a coup since we kept them up til 6pm! They were begging to go to bed. When does that ever happen?

First Days

Picture: Our new apartment

Ken here. Thought you might want to know a little about our first days. First off, the flight went quite well, all things considered. We spent 45 minutes at the Continental check-in as they debated whether to let us fly because we did not have a Visa. The staff at Fullbright had specifically told Colleen not to worry about it, but apparently we should have. Fortunately, Colleen had some official-looking documents from the State Dept., and because we were not leaving the transit area in Delhi they let us on. There were some tense moments.
The flight was very smooth. As our friend Kerry told me, international flights have come a long way since the last time I flew. The choice of movies was amazing, we had leg room, even the food (which was Indian vegetarian) was delicious. It's still miserable trying to sleep in an airplane seat unless you're Boom Boom's size.
In Delhi, even though we were only in the airport for 4 hours, the difference was notable. "There's a person for every job" Colleen noted. Instead of announcing our flight, a person walks through the waiting area asking what flight you're waiting for, then personally conveys you to the gate. Lots of security, even the uniformed guards were searched each time they entered an area by another, differently uniformed guards. And the uniforms are elaborate.
We landed in Kuala Lumpur concerned about trying to get all our stuff in a taxi to the hotel. It was the nicest airport I've ever seen. We collected all our stuff and there was a nice big booth saying "Van Taxis." Makes you realize how far NY has to go.
We had been in contact with a real estate broker through a friend of cousin Rebecca's. His name is Gan. He was a life saver. He borrowed a friend's van, drove us around all day, showed us 8 different apartments and took us to lunch. He also answered a lot of our stupid questions like "do you tip?" (answer: taxi drivers will try to not use the meter 'cause we're stupid americans - in that case, don't tip. If they use the meter, tip 20%. Restaurants automatically add on 10% service charge - no tipping).

Typically, Colleen and I could not agree on which apartment to rent. She wanted the crappy, small layout with the bright sunlight and nice views. The kids agreed with her because that building's pool had a little slide which won all their votes. I wanted the fancy big apartment that overlooked a construction site. Gan made a secret mid-day adjustment, reading our disagreement, and found an owner of a nicer apartment in the building Colleen and the kids wanted. See the picture above. Now we need to sign the lease, rent furniture, set up utilities, etc.
Our brief forays around KL have been limited. We went to Petronas Towers which has a ridiculous mall in the bottom, but tickets to the viewing area were sold out. Colleen took the kids to the Science Museum there, we she said was great. There's a small park with a giant playground. Not too exciting, except that it's the only park around. The city seems to have been cobbled together without any planning. There are barely sidewalks, and they are in such poor condition that pushing a stroller on them would be impossible. Nobody bike rides, you'd get killed by the crazy drivers who seem to come out of nowhere. Even if you live in downtown, anyone who lives here has a car and drives everywhere. Tough for us, because there's a 150% tax on buying a car.
We're still struggling with the time change - the kids pass out every afternoon around 3, wake up around midnight, and stay up with Colleen all night. I took over at 4:30 am tonight, thus the time for this post. Sigh.