Cancer Research Run: We dedicate it to Uncle Peter's Recovery

October 22, 2010

The kids' school organized a cancer research fundraiser run for all the kids and families to do on a school day. It's called the Terry Fox Run, dedicated to a cancer survivor who ran across Canada even after losing a leg to cancer. The kids' Uncle Peter is struggling with cancer now too, just having gone through a couple surgeries. We were thinking of him during his post-op recovery, and we dedicated our run to him. We hope it helps him heal.

Each time the kids ran the circuit, they would get a stripe on their arm. I ran with Griffin, then Abraham, then Alice, so I proudly sported my many stripes by the end. By the way, the stripe reward totally works! I was dying to get more stripes. In fact, I found myself pushing Griffin to get one more stripe after he was clearly exhausted from having run like a thoroughbred out of the gate, not having paced himself at all. Actually, none of the 3rd grade boys paced themselves, after all the smack talk beforehand.

Alice, on the other hand, sped ahead at a logical pace but still managed to look like a long-legged gazelle as she ran. I had to cut to keep up with her. No, I wasn't just trying to beat the 6 year olds, but I didn't buy it when they called it a "fun run" rather than the race it really was.

I joke but let me be honest...When my running group friends joined me for the first run with the 3rd grade kids, I ran fast, showing off to the parents on the sidelines. I even convinced one of my mom friends to run "tempo," meaning sprinting a bit, then running, then sprinting past the 8 year olds again. When I heard her yell to an exhausted 3rd grade runner, "Get to the left, passing on your right! Stay left when running to let the faster ones through!", I knew I was officially reaching middle age, crisis and all.

Imbi Sunday Market: Where do chickens come from?

October 24, 2010

Abraham and I woke up before sunrise and snuck out to the early morning market in a part of Kuala Lumpur called Imbi. As we left, we promised to bring back treats for Alice and Griffin.

Imbi's famous for its chickens, and Abraham had never seen where his Dad's sauteed chicken breast actually comes from. Neither did Alice and Griffin. In the back of the market were rows of chicken cages. I was ambivalent about showing Abraham the gory process of killing a chicken, but was propelled to do it after hearing the call from Omnivore's Dilemma to know where our food comes from to be responsible, healthier eaters.

So, Boom watched from afar (not quite so bloody) as men slit the chicken's throats them dropped them into a huge, bloody bin to bleed to death. Then, they'd dump them into a tumbler that seemed to remove the feathers. Then, into a big vat of boiling water, then onto be chopped up. We ordered chicken breasts and watched them cut the chicken off the bone, removing the skin to produce a chicken breast that could have come straight from a Costco package. I promptly bought it and left, only realizing when I got home that I left the breast behind on the counter, after all that. I highly recommend 3rd world market shopping, without a hangover.

Boom was not traumatized. Just fascinated. Although, when we got home he did say "They slit chicken's necks to kill them, but they don't slit our necks because we're not chickens, right?"

Then, we watched a man chop our salmon off the bone, removing the skin. And, Boom ground up some unknown white fish in a grinder, and they added water chestnut and herbs to it. They gave us the ground fish mix and some handmade dumpling wraps so I could fill the wraps with the ground fish to make dumplings for soup and more. Mmmm, Dinner!

Boom's job was to buy the treats for Alice and Griffin. He chose mini-crepes, later filled with nutella, donuts, and nut/butter pancakes. And, he insisted on getting flowers for Alice. Breakfast is served!

Singapore!

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October 10, 2010

Singapore is the anti-Kuala Lumpur. It is a well-planned, functioning, and competent city and citizenry. Everyone, including the cab drivers, seem so well-educated. The public transport system is extensive and works beautifully. I never worried about our getting hit by a car or purse-snatched. When someone signs a contract, they stick to the contract without graft or corruption involved. Some might say caning someone for dropping illegal gum on the sidewalk is an overreaction. Some might say it's a sanitized, artificial utopia. After a weekend there, I'll take sanitized, safer Singapore as a break anytime. I'd probably miss the laid-back, warm and welcoming way here after a while. Maybe.

We hit the botanic garden, the children's garden, and it was like our kids had been caged up for months. They ran wild and free, loving having the open space and stimulating nature. They climbed trees, saw the biggest lily pads in the world, and spun around on exotic playground equipment.

That first night we went on the famous night safari at the zoo. There was a big Halloween celebration, with uniquely Asian ghouls who'd jump out from behind bushes, but the kids seemed used to it after the first few jumps. They say 80% of the Southeast asian jungle animals are nocturnal so you can only see them active at night. And, we sure did. Even the tapirs, normally shy and hidden, wandered near our safari tram so I could almost reach out and touch them in a magical, once in a lifetime intimate moment with an animal I've tried to court for years, after trying to see some in Costa Rica years ago and last summer I tried to see them in the jungle here.

And, yes, we did go to Universal Studios in Singapore despite, as my brother reminded me sardonically, Universal Studios Hollywood being 10 minutes from his home in Los Angeles. It was new and had enough rides and characters to make a 6 year old's jaw drop and a 41 year old's brain shrink.

On the way there, though, Abraham did get his toe sucked into an escalator, as Griffin posted. His croc was sliced right thru by the escalator and it seemed to slice right thru his toenail and maybe worse. We couldn't tell how bad the cut was since it was pretty bloody. But, that didn't stop us from freaking out and running far, dripping blood, to the first aid office at Universal. There, the escalator oil was painstakingly and painfully removed from Boom's foot and we uncovered that he still had a fat little baby toe intact, not needing stitches. It still hurts often, especially during the nightly bandaid changes and cleanings, but he's much better - thanks for your good wishes for his recovery!

We rallied that night to Chinatown which was DELICIOUS with dim sum and more. When we returned to our sweet Swissotel, drummers played outside and Boom insisted we sit and watch them for what seemed like hours into the nite. He fancies himself a drummer.

Our last morning, we went on down to the Singapore Zoo and they all aksed for you...They even inquired about 'cha! Sorry, couldn't resist an Audubon Zoo song reference. It's one of the best zoos we've seen. Swimming jaguars, elephants moving logs, feeding giraffes ourselves (never done that at any other zoo!), and orangutans using "tools" like twigs to pull in keeper-designed food challenges like pulling in fruit to himself. And, we're now officially obsessed with Komodo Dragons whose spit has enough bacteria to kill you slowly and painfully, not the way to go, dying from saliva. I'm now dying to go to the Komodo dragon islands in Indonesia.

Ken was happier the moment we hit the bus for Singapore. He'd been feeling beleaguered and demoralized by his role as the stay-at-home dad (or as his New Zealand stay at home dads call themselves - a "man-mum"). We're trying to get a sitter to help him out a couple afternoons as a reprieve but, in the meantime, a trip away seemed to do the trick to bring back his adventurous, fun, more free side. It was a delight (and relief) to see again...

Griffin's Singapore

Griffin blog:

October 9, 2010

We went to Singapore! It is a 5hour bus ride to get there. Singapore is the most arcutectural place you have ever seen . There is a casino with a boat that is held up by three huge buildings. We went to an amusement park on an island called Sentosa. There are these cable cars that are like trams but these things go for like 50 miles in the air. Mama got scared. Boom Boom got his croc caught in the escalator. The escalator ripped his croc in half. One of his toes got really badly injured. Luckily they had a first aid room at Universal Studios Amusement Park where we were going. We stayed there for about a half an hour before finally getting out. The first ride I went on was Jurassic Park water rapids. There were these boats that took you on really fast rivers. It wasn’t too scary. There was also an Egyptian Ride. There was a roller coaster in the dark dark dark involving super fast downhill where you couldn’t see where you were about to go. Violent backward movements. And, fire. Then we saw this 4D Shrek Movie. Then we went on a dragon roller coaster. It was so fun. I had to go on it 3 times before I could stop.

A day in the life of an international school student

September 30, 2010

I visited the kids at school for a parent coffee-get-together, one of many the school hosts. Class parents often make their own homemade food for these events, so I go as often as I can. This time didn't disappoint with homemade egg rolls for breakfast. Clearly, I have ulterior motives for visiting my kids at school.

I paired the coffee event with my reading a book to Boom's class and having lunch with Alice and Griffin. One nice thing about the school is they encourage parents to join their kids at lunch sometimes, and it's a secret pleasure of mine to go. But, first, I read to Boom's class. This school is so loaded with expat oil money and more that they even have smart boards in the class for the 3 year olds. It's kind of over the top. Instead of my holding a book up and reading it to them, as I guess only dinosaurs do, the teacher held the book under an electronic overhead projector so that each page was projected up on the smart board screen. She turned the pages for me while I read. With the lights off and the book so distant from me, it felt almost as if the kids were watching a movie in the dark rather than having an intimate moment with me, getting lost in a book together. But, Abraham seemed proud to have his favorite pirate book and his Mommy projected on screen, holding my hand tightly the entire time.

Then, he and his adorable classmates raced tricycles, ran a lap around their age-appropriate soccer field on a track, and did ring-around-the-rosie with a haphazard, rambunctious style that seemed to be throwing off his task-oriented teacher who had the best-laid plans, until they were met by a bunch of 2 and 3 year olds tired of tasks.

I was surprised to see how rough Boom got with some of the other kids. In his old school he would never hit or shove roughly (he'd save it for his siblings) but in this class the first thing I saw was his shoving a younger, upset girl down on the ground. He continued to be rough the rest of the morning. And, I think some of the other boys were similar. I spoke with the teacher about it later, when our parents had coffee with her, but I'm not sure she has a system down that's working to manage it yet. It's honestly hard for me to watch Boom hurting anyone else, especially when it seems like if the environment were to improve, then he would too.

At lunch with Alice and Griffin, it was just plain exhilarating for me to see how well-liked they were. Alice had a close, close friend named Valeria, who rides on her bus and lives next door to us. And, Griffin was begged by 2 boys from his class to be goalie for the much anticipated, post-lunch soccer match. One of the boys asked Griffin if he'd come have a playdate at his house. In Brooklyn, I'd taken for granted how well-loved they were by their long-time best friends, and I didn't realize how much I missed seeing them adored by their friends, and vice-versa. Although, I must say, Griffin is both expanding his friendships (usually he only has one, isolated friendship in his class) and holding back his passion for his new friends somewhat. Maybe he feels disloyal to his best friends in Brooklyn, otherwise.

The Honeymoon's Over

September 28, 2010

It's official: My honeymoon's over. Maybe that's old news now. I think you could tell that the honeymoon was over by my previous posting where I described how overwhelmed I was feeling -- between lecturing a 150-student class for the first time, meeting so many new people for my research and social life, the travel, getting up at 5am daily to get the kids to the bus, and just plain life here. I had trouble sleeping.

My anthropologist friend diagnosed me with "Delayed Culture Shock." I thought I was just plain anxious and overwhelmed with it all. She described it as being overstimulated by doing, seeing, smelling, tasting so much newness. And, her treatment suggestion -- Be boring. Do only boring things on the weekends. Stop packing so much into my life. Go into work late, not early. Work more from home, in general. My friends, like Tamara and Courtney, said just do nothing sometimes. Patrick and Tina said just being in Kuala Lumpur is exotic enough for now, we'll have time to travel later. Mom tried to problem-solve ways for me to cut back on my responsibilities and activities. Yosef, Liz, one of my Fulbright friends, and Dad gave large class teaching suggestions. And, Dad pointed out that just living in a foreign place, like when he lived in Paris for a year, has an ambient stress -- a constant, silent, invisible stress in the background, which was a helpful insight. And, Ken took on more of my "Mom" responsibilities which are both hard for me to give up and hard for him to take, like planning and packing for future trips.

It's actually all working pretty well. I'm still stressed, at times, but more in a normal, functioning kind of way. My sleep is not perfect but now the sleep problems are limited to the night before my class. We've been just lazing by the pool and doing playdates for the kids on the weekends. I don't eagerly say yes to every social event. As you might guess, the kids have been equally ready for what we now call "relaxation days," so happy and proud of having playdates and new friendships with our neighbors.

And, I've been training for a half-marathon. I know, I know, I'm probably being too ambitious doing that too, typical me, but it's actually been a joy and stress release. Such necessary time for myself with only a meditative run to focus on, and a sore but relaxed body afterwards. And, I really like the people in the running group. One's from Texas and it's like jogging with Molly Ivans, the hilarious political columnist from Texas. They are seasoned travelers and expats from all over. I take mental notes on where to travel next while they tell me of their favorite Southeast Asian get-aways. We're all flying to Cambodia, Siam Riep, to run a half-marathon around the ancient temples on Dec. 7.

But, now that the honeymoon and the worst of my delayed culture shock are over, there are still lingering aftershocks. Like, just getting around this chaotic, sprawling, unplanned, loud, traffic-choked city. I take the subway and a taxi or bus to and from work a few days per week. There are about 4, very limited, different subway lines and none of them are connected -- You actually have to leave the first subway system, get out and walk and reenter another completely different subway line with a different ticketing system. But, the subways are very advanced, fast, and have cellphone service. Everyone is gentle and quiet in the subway. No completely insane behavior, as in NYC subways.

What aggression they sublimate in the subways, they express on the roads. They do not like pedestrians here. We slow the cars down, barely. I can't tell you how many nasty accidents happen here where a car or bus hits a pedestrian -- our elderly, beloved school librarian was medi-vac'ed back to the US with brain damage after a bus hit her. There are few or no decent sidewalks in some areas. And few pedestrian cross-walks -- the red lights often don't stop cars, but especially motorbikes, from flying through the cross-walk. I found myself cursing out two muslim, scarved girls giggling as they sped their motorbike right in front of me and Boom Boom, buzzing us as we crossed. In fact, there's been a streak of motorbike purse and jewelery-snatching. Right in front of our building, someone got his cellphone ripped out of his hands by a motorbiker. Worse, there've been serious injuries when they yanked necklaces and purses, dragging people -- I've been told of two serious head injuries and a death as a result. I've become a neurotic, hypervigilant pedestrian.

Most people drive. In fact, people are shocked we didn't buy a car just for the year. Cars are taxed 50%, there's insurance, lots of car accidents, and you get taken to jail, often overnight, if you're at fault, I heard. Needless to say, I'm completely intimidated by the thought of driving here. We chose to live downtown to avoid driving but it's still inconvenient often without a car. But, cabs are dirt cheap here. Often, cheaper than public transport for a family of 5. Just like it's cheaper for us to eat dinner here at a restaurant than to buy groceries and make it ourselves. But, the cabbies often don't know how to get to your destination, often not telling you they don't know. Or, they refuse to use the meter and try to charge you 3 times the meter price. We've now got a few cabbies we'll call to pick us up if we're going to a destination we know most cabbies refuse.

Where do we walk to, you might ask? Well, we walk to our local mall. Or, we take a cab to malls further away. Yes, we've surrendered to mall culture, after a long fight, with lots of sneering and contempt. Now, we often spend each weekend day in a mall. Yes, we swim, read, play games, socialize with new friends, but we also do the mall. This past weekend, we spent two days in malls and a night at IKEA. Everything happens at the malls -- birthday parties, soccer games (YES! soccer fields are on top of a mall), craft centers, cafes, movie theaters, science museum, galleries, etc. There's been such a huge BOOM in capitalism here, like in most of Asia, that there is no recession here, it seems. No empty storefronts. Just packed malls. And, it's a respite from the heat. You can only do a half hour or so at the playground before you run screaming for the mall air-conditioning.

Our apartment is posh, at first glance. A city view. Glass, steel, and marble everywhere. Balcony. Resort-like pool. Kids at the pool sometimes to play with. But, the reality is these high rises were built in a mad, capitalist-drunk rush, with bribes paid to city inspectors to look the other way. Sewage started backing up in our bathroom pipes stinking to high heaven. They fixed it but 2 bathrooms are unusable and stinky still. Other apartments have walls crumble due to constant water leakage. A friend's apartment electrical wiring blew out, ruining all her appliances, computers, and more. The developer had paid off the electrical inspector. Another 40 story high rise was quickly built with no stairs, that means only an elevator, no fire escape...let me say it again, no stairs at all. We're probably lucky with our apartment since it's so new that no serious problems have come up yet. As exciting it is to live in the heart of the city, the bright lights, loud cars, and other sounds make for a jangled, discombobulating night rest for me, at times.

I sense a theme here -- the government here lets the wild wild west reign, when it comes to development, urban planning, deforestation, and more. It is not a controlling state, to say the least. It's no Singapore. The Malaysian government is letting capitalism grow unheeded here, often burning through Malaysia like a wildfire. But, the government sure likes propoganda, anti-Israel rallies, and fomenting racial division at the same time that it calls for "1 Malaysia," encouraging all 3 of the ethnic groups here uniting as one. Truth, is, it feels like a very racially and religiously tolerant country, when you actually live here day-to-day, despite the underlying rumbing politics.

Alright, my complaint session is over. Just for now. You know there are 200 other wonderful things about life here I didn't mention. You may want to skip this blog for the next couple months until I'm done with my post-honeymoon hangover. Then, I'll get to the 200 wonders of Kuala Lumpur.

Fulbright: The Clinical Research Half

Note: Photo at top is of page is of, from the left, the heads of Harvest Center, Petrina, Pastor Elisha, Mr. Liew as the World Vision Malaysia CEO, and me

September 25, 2010

How lucky am I that I get to take my family to a soccer tournament for my research? Why would that be research? Because the first stage of my research project is to meet people. Yes, just talk and talk and talk. What I am doing for my Fulbright project is to collaborate with a community-based organization to do a sustainable mental health intervention for children and their families.

To develop this partnership with a community organization, I first have to meet a lot of people who will introduce me to the organization leaders; I can't just meet them without some sort of formal introduction. So, I first have to meet with the larger charitable organizations who fund the smaller community organizations, to get an idea of who might be a good match for my work and get some introductions. And, my HELP University professor colleagues have connections with Christian charitable organizations, like World Vision, who fund these community organizations. It is interesting that it seems to be mostly Christian organizations in this Muslim country that are funding interventions for children in poverty.

After I met with the head of World Vision Malaysia, he offered to introduce me to the heads of the organization called Harvest Centre, or Dignity for Children Foundation. The World Vision CEO, Mr. Liew, said he thought I should join him for a soccer tournament to meet the heads of Harvest Centre who were running the tournament. When we arrived for the tournament, he and Pastor Elisha, head of Harvest, were waiting for us out front. And, they gave us a warm welcome, with the older Mr. Liew even kicking the soccer ball around with Griffin, giving it a header too. Then, Mr. Liew and Pastor Elisha toured me around in the VIP fashion I've been honored with at every turn at these organizations. And, I thought it was because of my Fulbright status (God knows, I drop the Fulbright card shamelessly!) but I've started realizing it's also a Malaysian custom to host with great generosity, patience, and attention, and usually involving a meal.

Pastor Elisha showed me the soccer and net ball tournaments (for net ball explanation, see Griffin's post below) which were filled with refugees and poor kids from, typically, Indian slums. The refugees are mostly from Burma and can't speak either Malay or English. And, the Malaysian government refuses to accept refugees so the refugees are illegal here. They have no potential to become a legal immigrant or citizen. So, they get no official status, they are invisible. Worse, unlike in the U.S., as illegal immigrants/refugees, they get no schooling, protection from crime, health care, etc. On top of that, there is a group of Malaysian citizens who are backed by the government to round up these refugees/immigrants and take them to the border, in an often scary, threatening, and exploitive manner. This quasi-governmental group is called the Renu, I think, and they often threaten to expel them, then say they can stay if they pay a bribe. This is all after these refugees are already fleeing persecution from their own country, like Burma.

So, Harvest Centre takes over where the government chooses not to. They run a school for the children, because the government won't. And, the school has a mission to provide as high quality education as they would receive at Malaysian schools, saying refugees deserve respect and good education. The school's become famous for its education and has trained and developed many other schools for refugees all over Malaysia now. Pastor Elisha is originally Punjab, on the border of India and Pakistan. His wife is Chinese Malaysian, and they have a dorm and home at the school where they take in many of these children, with the intent of giving them a fresh start, especially away from some of the toughest families fraught with physical abuse or "gangsterism."

Pastor Elisha thinks the parents only get in the way of the kids getting ahead in life and healing from their past. He complained of parents pressuring their daughters to get married by age 13 but, now that they are at his school, they say no to their parents, saying they want to be teachers like their teachers at school. He has threatened fathers who were physically abusing their children. He doesn't try to change the parents. He tries to take the children out of the parents' home, often into his home or dorm. Or he tries to empower them to be different from their parents.

He and I had a moment where we realized we have different philosophies about helping kids get better. Mine has always been through changing and supporting the family and school, and his is to get the kids as far away from the family as possible. Maybe he's right, in this case, but I still wonder if there's potential for involving the parents somehow in this mental health process with the kids.

Pastor Elisha told me the story of why the soccer tournament is called the Faisal cup. Faisal had been in Elisha's school. He was about fourteen but had a "simple" mind and was at the academic equivalent of 1st grade or so. He often squeezed himself into the small chairs in the first grade classroom. One day he was playing soccer and the ball was kicked into the river. Faisal went in after the ball, since to him a $3 ball was precious and had to be retrieved. But, he couldn't swim and he drowned. Pastor Elisha teared up as he told this story. And, he said that to lose one of his most beloved students over a $3 ball inspired he and his wife to run this soccer tournament because so many refugee children have no organized soccer or even soccer balls to play with. The government provides soccer for all Malay children, but there's none for the immigrants or refugees.

Once Ken helped get Griffin and Boom started on playing soccer with the refugee kids, it made me really happy to see them connecting through soccer, especially since their rarified world is limited to the elite at their school.

In the meantime, I introduced myself to the head of the United Nations High Commission for Refugees (UNHCR) who is now an American, and he knows Fulbright. I've been dying to meet him, since UNHCR funds so many refugee programs, and I thought they'd know which are ripe for and interested in mental health program development. Vernon is his name, and he gave me the historical and current perspective on refugees here, making me feel like I was having an ivy league education in the reality of refugees in Malaysia and beyond. He also suggested a couple organizations who would be possible for me to collaborate with. What a coup to connect with him! And it looks like he'll be connecting me to organizations with potential too.

We had to leave, and when Ken had to take the ball with us, he said it was hard to take the soccer ball away. All the kids playing with Boom and Griffin were very reluctant to give the ball up since they didn't have a ball of their own and couldn't play as a result.