The reality of living on the other side of the world

September 8, 2010

I am tired. Very tired. Not from bad things but lots of good or fine things. The good things are being with my kids in the morning and some before dinner with the kids and Ken. And exploring Kuala Lumpur and nearby has been good. Other good things are being a part of the psychology department and teaching here at HELP University. All the faculty has been so welcoming - taking my family out on the weekend, taking me out to lunch, etc. Another good thing has been meeting people associated with various mental-health-related projects here, trying to get my mental health research and program work off the ground. Even my commute is pretty good, same as in NYC, but with a better subway line (LRT) to a bus to HELP University. Running with a running group on Saturdays and running on a track a couple times during the week around our local park has been very very good. Being class mom for Alice's class has been good. Throwing myself into any social opportunities from the kids' school, my work, mental health organizations, and exercise has been paying off. But, I'm very very tired come afternoon, and dead come evening.

Lots of good, I know. I'm lucky. But, there's a reality to it all.

Ken sleeps in late since he's up late working, usually. And, he's not thrilled with his new role of being the stay-at-home day come afternoon. He's been mentioning his "lot in life" lately. He's been exercising a lot.

So, I get the kids ready and to the bus in the mornings. My alarm is set for 5:30 but I'm usually up much earlier. Often, on the hour every hour from 2am on, I'm jolted awake on edge, checking the clock. I nearly jump up at the alarm, and I get ready, trying to squeeze in a few minutes of meditation or yoga before the kids get up. Griffin was having some anxiety returning to school, post-Greece, feeling confused by all the newness of it, so he started meditating with me for 5 minutes before the other kids wake at 6:15. On my 2 teaching days, I try to dress myself fancy before I wake the kids so that I can go into work early, right after their bus leaves at 7:10am.

That 35 minutes before the kids wake up is my saving grace in the morning. Getting to work early feels like stolen time too.

Teaching has been surprisingly good -- I've only taught one undergrad class so far, but they seemed curious and asked some interesting questions, but come the third hour of the 3 hour class with 150 people, I could have been dancing naked on the table, and they'd still look like they were nodding off. That's a long, painful third hour. I've never lectured that long or to so many people. They insisted I use the microphone after I avoided it the first half of class. I was wiped afterwards.

Then, I've been so excited after each mental health program/research meeting -- possibly developing a crisis team here in KL with other child mental health therapists. Possibly, helping develop an anti-bullying program, now focused on getting the teachers to be less violent or verbally harsh towards the kids in the schools. Or, working with an anti-poverty preschool program for immigrant kids who are not allowed to go to Malaysian schools. Or, help World Vision with its new anti-poverty initiative up North to help families feel more connected to their schools. All meetings I've had in the past week. All interesting, with me rapt and with intense focus. I come home wiped out afterwards.

On Friday, we'll go see some exotic caves and jungle in East Malaysia, flying a couple hours to get there. We'll be fascinated, working hard to get to and get into all the sites there. We'll come home wiped.

All good, just surprisingly tiring, this new world.